Sekedar Catatan

Metaphora

2010-11-26T20:36:00.038+07:00

Mimpi

Sebuah mimpi sebenarnya adalah sebuah kenyataan...karena dia hidup bersama pikiran kita di dalam jangka waktu yang cukup panjang. Ia nyata seperti halnya diri kita. Ia berproses sesuai siklus dan perjalanan kehidupan kita. Pada suatu saat dia terhempas di atas batu cadas kenyataan pahit, lalu kadangkala sesekali menikung di jalan lain...atau pergi menyusuri labirin dan terlupakan. Namun tidak pernah benar-benar lenyap dan punah. Aku selalu percaya mimpi adalah sebuah kenyataan yang tertunda...

Aku dan mimpiku adalah sebuah kenyataan. Aku membawa mimpiku, kemarin, hari ini, sekarang dan nanti. Seperti kelindan yang bergumul bersama, sehingga ia merasuk mengubah dirinya menjadi aku setiap saatnya. Begitu pula aku masuk ke dalam mimpiku laiknya seseorang menuju sebuah pintu gerbang yang terbuka dan merasakan sebuah perjalanan tanpa hambatan, karena ia adalah bagian dari kepemilikkanku, bukan ranah orang lain. Saat orang lain mengingatkanku bahwa mimpi adalah sebuah fatamorgana, aku menolaknya. Mimpiku menjadi kenyataan setiap waktu. Bagiku ia adalah butiran darah yang menggeliat. Ia adalah sel yang meregenerasi dirinya. Ia punya cahaya pedang yang berkilat menembus matahari. Ia adalah cercah kehidupan yang membuatku bertahan melalui epaorasi

Aku bukan bermimpi bahkan tidak memimpikan sesuatu, atau pun bermimpi-mimpi tentang sebuah impian. Karena bagiku mimpi adalah kenyataan setiap saatnya. Ia hanya sebuah jeda sesaat dalam sebuah rangkaian proses. Mimpi adalah kenyataan tentang aku yang tertunda...

Aku menanti penuh intens, menemukan kunci-kunci dari kehidupan masa laluku yang sudah lampau dan terlewati tanpa tercatat di dalam benak dan ingatanku. Aku menemukan sebuah rangkaian -- mata rantai kehidupan. Bukan dalam bentuk dongeng-dongeng di perpustakaan (yang akan aku tolak sepenuhnya). Ini mungkin lebih kepada sebuah legenda hidup, tidak ada hal lainnya. Namun ini juga soal kekinian. Sekarang. Bumi ini pada saat ini. Bisa saja merupakan seorang perempuan atau laki-laki. Manusia yang ada kini. Ini berkaitan dengan bahasa, keimigrasian, kesusasteraan, seni dan kesenian. Dalam artikulasi lebih luas mungkin saja menyangkut benda-benda artifisial seperti kapal, mesin-mesin, politik, kepercayaan, pengembangan ilmu-ilmu modern atau bahkan hubungan antar bangsa. Peradaban. Serta semua yang terjadi pada hari ini...sebuah masa.

Mimpi adalah juga sebuah keajaiban. Entah mengapa dia sanggup hidup jutaan bahkan mungkin dengan angka miliaran digital di dalam kepala seorang manusia. Tepatnya dalam kehidupan manusia. Bagiku mimpi adalah bagian dari keajaiban. Bagiku satu detik peristiwa yang melompat di hadapanku adalah keajaiban. Ketika aku melangkah di pantai, dan kakiku menyentuh pasir dan hangatnya air laut terasa masuk ke dalam jiwaku. Membuat puisi serta pemikiran terlahir dari benakku, adalah keajaiban. Atau bahkan ketika aku menikmati makanan yang tersaji. Melintasi pejalan kaki di pelintasan antara gedung-gedung tinggi. Mengusap airmata tangis. Mendengarkan detak detik jarum jam di dinding...Ikan-ikan yang berenang di setiap lautan yang berbeda...Semua adalah hal-hal asing. Hal-hal ajaib. Hal-hal mimpi. Namun tetap adalah kenyataan.

Aku tidak pernah sungguh-sungguh menyadari kapan sebenarnya sebuah inti-pati pemikiran ini, mengintip dalam kehidupanku. Mengendap-endap mencuri setiap helai pemikiranku. Melakukan investigasi dan memantau diriku di setiap detiknya, bahkan melalui nafasku. Sehingga ia menjadi intrinsik di dalamku. Seolah-olah aku tidak memiliki insulator (penyekat) apa pun di dalam kehidupanku. Mimpi itu sudah berubah bentuk menjadi aku. Aku berada di dalam lipatan yang belum terlipat sepenuhnya. Menemukan hidup ini selalu ada jeda. Selalu ada antara. Mungkin kita menyebutnya sebagai sekat. Atau mungkin semacam membran. Aku menamakannya sebagai waktu. Ya. Aku melintas di antara jeda. Aku sang pelintas waktu. Pengembaraan kosmik membawaku ke sini.

"Aku adalah orang pertama bagi diriku sendiri". kataku pada diriku sendiri. "Tentu saja bukan", jawab mimpiku. Ah sebuah percakapan yang membosankan, berulangkali lunglai di dalam lintas waktuku. "Aku sedang mencoba memisahkan aku dengan mimpiku". ujar diriku lagi berulangkali. "Ini sebuah kenyataan yang tak lekang oleh waktu , serta tak terurai oleh zat waktu", ujar mimpiku lagi. "Kau adalah aku, dan... aku adalah kenyataan dirimu", mimpiku menegaskan.

Aku telah berusaha sejak dulu untuk mengidentifikasi diriku tanpa mimpiku turut serta. Tapi suara yang muncul dari dalam nuraniku begitu kencang, Padahal aku juga berusaha untuk menentang kehadiran mimpi di dalam "pandangan" perilaku yang berbeda. Ini, adalah sebuah monolog yang tiada berkesudahan sepanjang kehidupanku.

Aku berusaha memutus mata rantai ini sejak lama. Berusaha membagi pelbagai bentuk. Fragmentasi. Bersetuju dengan teori yang ada....hingga;

"Akhirnya aku menemukan diriku bukan kesendirian di dalam sebuah semesta yang demikian besar untuk memutuskan, aku akan tetap bersama mimpiku".

"Mimpiku tidak akan mengganggu aku, bahkan tak akan melenyapkan diriku".

"Engkau adalah kekosonganku dan keter-isi-anku".

"Engkau tidak memerlukan penjelasan apa pun!".

Begitu banyak hal dalam hidup ini kulalui. Kepedihan dan kebahagiaan. Begitu banyak makna yang coba kupahami. Begitu banyak kebodohan melintasi pikiran, dan begitu banyak kesempatan telah menjadi bagian dari jejak kehidupanku. Namun tak semua pernah kumengerti dalam arti sebenarnya....Aku masih memerlukan begitu banyak kosa kata dan terminologi agar dapat membentuk garis lurus atau melengkung mengguratkan esensi identitas perjalanan itu sendiri. Mimpi dan kenyataan...Dan tentunya identitasku.

Kini aku dan mimpiku sedang berada di sebuah negara bernama Indonesia...Membentangkan mimpiku seluas jagadnya. Konon negeri ini dahulu adalah sebuah kerajaan Atlantis yang luar biasa luasnya dan menghasilkan sebuah peradaban yang tak terbantahkan!

Jiwa

Menyadari aku dan jiwaku, berbeda dengan aku dan mimpiku. Tapi satu hal yang tak bisa kupungkiri kesamaannya adalah jiwa dan mimpiku tidak akan pernah mati. Aku yakin saat Pythagoras mengatakan itu limaratus tahun sebelum Masehi....bahwa itu benar. Dan saat ini, aku menyatakan persetujuanku bahwa hal itu benar.

Ada sebuah keadaan dimana aku merasakan bahwa ada sebuah "ketetapan" yang datang padaku. Mungkin persis seperti engkau merasakan bernafas secara normal. Tentang: "Bahwa engkau adalah sesuatu. Engkau akan menjadi sesuatu". "Engkau akan mengalami suatu proses kehidupan yang menyakitkan". "Engkau akan melalui banyak periode membingungkan dalam hidupmu". Dan, ketetapan-ketetapan lain yang seperti laiknya mimpi namun dibahasakan dalam jiwa....yang pada kesadaran berikutnya merupakan proses kehidupan yang kulalui.

Tidak cukup mudah melalui pemahaman berliku dengan paradigma pekat (ganting), yang ketika jiwaku nelangsa, aku kehilangan aturan mainnya (pakem). Jiwa inti-pati mengikat kelangsunganku bersama mimpiku. Aku, adalah sebuah kenyataan. Aku terperangkap dalam tubuh. Tubuh manusia. Jiwa adalah ruh yang melesat menempuh ruang-ruang dan waktu-waktu yang tak sempat kumiliki. Atau tepatnya tak kusadari sepenuhnya. Jiwaku menjadi a-krodati dalam tubuh ringkihku. Kebenaran itu dapat kutemukan dengan cara berpikirku bukan perbuatanku atau bahkan perbuatan orang lain.

Substansi jiwa dan mimpi kurasakan dalam diriku. Aku terhubung! Bahkan aku terhubung dengan Aristoteles yang mungkin hidup dalam lampaunya tigaratus tahun sebelum Masehi, seorang murid Plato. Dalam sebuah pergulatan pemikiran yang aneh. Aku terhubung dengan dia, seperti halnya telepon seluler. Aku bercakap-cakap dalam percakapan yang panjang.... Serta berbahasa multi-dimensional....Aku berusaha keras untuk memisahkan jiwa dan tubuhku. Jiwa dan mimpiku. Tubuhku mengalah! Walau mereka tetap menjadi sebuah kesatuan yang tidak mudah dibinasakan.

Kosmos

Aku berada di dalam sebuah keanekaragaman alam dan semesta. Amplitudo bumi. Menemukan betapa dimensi kekasaran dan seksualitas bumi mencekam pemahamanku. Ia memberikan keseimbangan tanpa harus memandang keluar dari jendela mata untuk mencari alasan lainnya. Bila ingin tetap bertanya; dunia sudah berisi penuh dengan orang-orang beriman dan orang-orang kafir. Ini adalah kemegahan Tuhan memegang kekuasaan, memberi proporsiNya pada pengetahuan tentang realisme, spiritualisme, dan estetika atau intelektual manusia. Dan manusia memandang kepemilikkan tubuh seseorang adalah satu paket dengan mimpi dan jiwanya.....

"Mengapa aku juga mengatakan demikian?" . "Mengapa aku melakukan pembenaran itu?". "Mengapa aku harus menyentuh begitu dekat hal-hal yang demikian subjektif dan penuh kebimbangan?". "Dapatkah aku melepaskan keterikatan dari pemikiran itu?". Semua pertanyaan tersebut selalu merayapi tubuh dan jiwaku. Aku menjadi kembara yang tak lekang berfikir. Aku sudah menjadikan diriku objek sesungguhnya dari sebuah pencarian. Pencarian absurd tentang diriku sendiri!

Sesungguhnya aku tidak memiliki pencapaian apa pun untuk menceritakan tentang diriku. Hanya dengan sebuah kepercayaan yang begitu kental, bahwa aku akan menemukan tujuan akhir dan penemuan yang pasti. Tentang konspirasi aku, jiwa dan mimpi. Tentang sebuah ketetapan Sang Maha Pemilik seluruh muasal kosmik ini. Aku hanya sebutir zarah tak berdaya. Bergulir ke sana kemari mencoba menemukan arti. Bermain dalam logika. Terjerembab di kedangkalan pengetahuan jagad raya. Aku memasuki sebuah peradaban cerita. Cerita kehidupanku sendiri. Akulah si tokoh itu....

Bila ini dapat kusebut sebagai Prolog!

2010-11-26T18:24:00.018+07:00

Aku berdiri anggun sambil melangkah berjalan menuju dirinya, yang terduduk dalam keadaan cerah dan tersenyum penuh kehangatan ke arahku. Menundukkan diriku dalam posisi bersidepuh, memegang erat telapak tangannya...lalu mencium punggung tangan kanannya dengan posisi khidmat. Perasaan terkendali, kuucapkan sebuah kata yang sudah terasa ringan kuuucapkan: "Aku mencintaimu, sepenuhnya! dan kini saatnya untuk mengakhiri semua ini dengan penuh kelegaan".

Lelaki itu, dalam posisi duduknya, meraih wajahku, lalu mengecup keningku...dan mengatakan: "Ya, aku juga memahami sepenuhnya". Kunikmati kecupannya dengan rasa hangat mengalir dalam dadaku. Gemuruh tapi pelan, yang mengalun indah....

Aku melangkah keluar ruangan dengan perasaan seringan awan, secerah burung terbang ke udara ketika pagi hari. Seungkap rasa melambung. Penuh pemahaman yang mungkin saat ini hanya aku yang bisa mengerti mengapa ini harus aku rasakan.

Hujan di luar gedung turun seperti memuntahkan isi bendungan...Kulihat sisa awan masih menggantung di sisi langit yang lain di sebelah barat kota. Hitam pekat. Aku pikir sebentar lagi hujan yang sama lebatnya akan turun di sana...Di belahan kota, ada seseorang yang punya perasaan sama sekali berbeda dengan yang kurasakan saat ini.

Dengan payung kecilku, aku bergegas pergi menuju mobil. Aku masih harus melakukan perjalanan sejam lagi menenuhi janji mungkin akan sama pentingnya dengan pertemuan yang baru saja kulalui.

Hari ini, sebuah anugerah bahagia. Apa yang terjadi...pernah terjadi lebih dari sekali...namun makna yang muncul dalam setiap peristiwanya selalu berbeda.....

Aku melangkah dengan langkah-langkah kecil yang cepat. Setengah berlari, membuka pintu mobil. Membenamkan diriku dalam kursi mobil yang memberi sedikit suara gesek-derit di jok kulitnya. Kendaraan ini sudah seperti teman baikku, mengantarkanku ke banyak tempat....

Terdiam sejenak, menghela nafas, lalu menyesap doa. Sekelabat kulihat diri lelaki itu keluar dari ruangan, melintasi koridor gedung. Kelihatannya seperti ingin memastikan aku berangkat dan tidak kehujanan. Kukekenakan sabuk pengaman. Sesaat radio kesayanganku memperdengarkan alunan lagu Michael Bubble; Feeling Good...

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the trees you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonflies out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Kujalankan kendaraan dan melesat dengan kecepatan sedang...kupikir aku tidak sedang berpacu dengan waktu. Aku sedang menikmati detak jantungku berlagu...

Sambil mengingat mundur jalan hidupku...rasanya aku bahkan lupa punya keinginan digelimangi perasaan mencinta seperti ini.

Searching out the "truth"

2008-11-16T14:04:00.005+07:00

Sometimes, of course, it just doesn't happen
No matter how hard you drive your "truth"
there are no sagacity come...

Sometimes, we are going down depression
to understood, is it the "truth" as is?
then can drag us down into no where...

We force ourself to achieve that effort
but reality comes
we extract the theory
desperately looking up the point

After in depth in our "rooms"
how, then,
do we capture this elusive
but vital ingredients?

...truth,
the only one that we understand!

No!
the truth is only the truth itself
even we found the "vortex" yet!

Do you feel me?

2008-11-11T12:29:00.007+07:00

Have you feel lost
and tossed on the sea of life?
I just feel it....
feel that I need someone
who can get me through this storm!

But, maybe this "chaos emotion"
a learning point of my life
for the future..
an obstacle to grow stronger
through the twists and turns way

Decision to do now or never
even looks at things differently

It comes one step
closer to the "goal"

Nothing is impossible,
I accept what I have to,
face a destiny
for me no decision is too small
no action is too stupid
I asking God about
just for sure

Really, it isn't easy way dear...
experienced in failure
dark and dreary
struggling
pain and sorrow

But once I take it
I brighten myself after
with compassion...

Obama Mania & Myself

2008-11-08T10:14:00.004+07:00

Dear Idol,

You can only make one success of yourself,
but you can help make many successes
by inspiring and encouraging others....

Dear Myself,

There's a silver lining in everything that happens,
and in every person too.
So, challenge yourself with
finding it and you'll start
too see life in a better light...

From Obama, I've learnt:

Treat every obstacle as a rung in the ladder of success,
and you'll keep
moving up and onward to
bigger and better things...

For Myself, I say:

Keep your head in the clouds,
your feet on the ground,
and your heart in the middle
to balance the two...

On Marsha's Birthday: September 22, 2008

2008-09-23T08:33:00.006+07:00

My choice poem for you, D dearest;
from Sitok Srengenge "ON NOTHING"

OSMOSIS OF ORIGIN

I ask the wind,
whence does reverie come,
the wind shakes the tips of leaves
and I see the tree paint the cycle of years

I ask the tree,
whence does time begin,
the tree opens up its flower petals
and I see a bee alight down sucking honey

I ask the bee,
whence does the cell that begat my body originate,
the bee hums flying into a cave
and I see a bat shut its ears upon a stone wall

I ask the bat,
whence does sound emerge,
the bat flaps its wings up to the night sky
and I see dew glide down like a river

I ask the river,
whence does the source of milk flows,
the river shows off the mountain
and I see a valley shrouded in mist

I ask the valley,
whence does taboo arrive,
the valley raises its shroud
and I see the naked earth swing in elegance

I ask the earth,
who does give birth to Mother,
the earth blushes, but I hear the sea answer,
"She witnesses upon fact, yet is incapable of utterance!"

I ask the sea,
who does contain her,
the sea roars, yet it drained
before completely spelling the Name

page 195-197

(aku bertanya kepada angin, dari mana asalnya angan, angin menggoyangkan pucuk-pucuk daun, dan kusaksikan pohon-pohon melukis lingkaran tahun, aku bertanya kepada pohon, dari mana datangnya waktu, pohon merekahkan kelopak bunga, dan kusaksikan lebah hinggap menghisap madu, aku bertanya kepada lebah, dari apa sel yang tumbuh dalam tubuhku, lebah bergumam terbang ke dalam gua, dan kusaksikan kelelawar menangkup kuping di dinding batu, aku bertanya kepada kelelawar, dari mana awalnya suara, kelelawar mengepak sayap ke langit malam, dan kusaksikan embun bergulir serupa sungai, aku bertanya kepada sungai, dari mana sumber air susu, sungai menjulangkan gunung, dan kusaksikan lembah bergaun kabut, aku bertanya kepada lembah, dari mana mulanya tabu, lembah menyingkap gaun, dan kusaksikan bumi bugil menggeliat anggun, aku bertanya kepada bumi, siapa yang melahirkan ibu, bumi tersipu tapi kudengar laut menyahut, "ia bersaksi atas fakta, namun tak berdaya untuk bicara!", aku bertanya kepada laut, siapa yang menampungnya, laut menggelora, tapi kerontang sebelum usai membilang Nama)

Mencatat Tatal 96 nya Goenawan Mohamad

2008-09-12T08:47:00.004+07:00

96

Sebuah lelucon Groucho Marx, ketika ia diminta menunjukkan kartu identitasnya: "Maaf, aku tidak punya foto. Tapi tuan bisa ambil jejak kakiku. Itu ada di kaos kakiku."

Ada foto, ada jejak kaki.

Yang pertama perwujudan diri yang terang. Tapi yang sering dilupakan: foto adalah sebuah kelaziman manusia selama ribuan tahun untuk menuntut visualisasi-tuntutan yang kian meluas sejak Plato. Kita hidup dalam kebudayaan okulosentris hampir sepenuhnya kita mengartikan yang "diketahui" sama dengan yang "tampak", dan segala sesuatu yang berkaitan dengan "mata" pun berjibun memenuhi bahasa...

Kebudayaan okulosentris memang mendatangkan pelbagai teknologi visual yang menakjubkan. Tapi ada sejarah kekuasaan yang tak dapat diabaikan ketika ruang dibaca sebagai peta, Sabda sebagai Kitab, dan gelap dianggap kekurangan. Seperti kata Derrida, "Ada pertemanan yang kuno dan rahasia antara cahaya dan kekuasaan."

Sebuah foto adalah hasil sebuah proses yang agresif; mereka memakai kata shooting dan shot di sini. Sebagai tanda identitas, ia disahkan oleh kekuasaan yang menyusup tata simbolik-bahasa, hukum, adat, negara. Ia dipatok dan dikerangka oleh tata itu. "Hai, lihat, orang Negro!" seru seorang anak kecil di sebuah jalan di Paris waktu melihat Franz Fanon lewat. Fanon dengan segera tahu, siapa gerangan dirinya tak ditentukannya sendiri.

Itu sebabnya ucapan Groucho Marx, seraya melawak, merupakan perlawanan. Ia tak meletakan foto dalam posisi yang menentukan. Ia menunjuk unsur kedua dalam dikotomi kita: jejak kaki di kaos kaki...

Yang terbayang dari kata-kata itu adalah bekas perjalanan, tanda-tanda yang maknanya serba mungkin, dan sesuatu yang besok bisa terhapus oleh perjalanan baru.

hal 156 dari buku Tuhan & Hal-Hal yang Tak Selesai, Goenawan Mohamad, 2008.

Am I obsessed with?

2008-09-10T17:51:00.008+07:00

Percakapan sunyi di 18 Juni 2008

9:45
Kau: biasanya hubungan manusia dengan Allah pupus (gelap) apabila apa yang sudah didapat tidak diakuinya sebagai kebenaran (ingkar). Aku hanya memberi petunjuk agar kau mendapat kunci dan kemudian membuka pintu surga..

9:49
Aku: aku tidak mengingkari apa yang sudah kudapatkan, yang terjadi adalah setelah aku makin luluh (pasrah), yang kudapatkan semakin luar biasa dan kenikmatan yang Illahiyah itu membuatku makin bertauhid. Kegalauanku muncul karena bertanya: "mengapa aku mendapatkannya?"

9:55
Kau: Jangan goyahkan keimananmu! majulah terus, karena apa yang kau dapatkan barulah awal, masih banyak lagi yang luar biasa yang dimiliki Allah, dan belum kau ketahui. Saranku, imani terus ya...amin.

11:20
Kau: Banyak kisah-kisah yang terjadi sebelum kita dilahirkan, mungkin kisahnya mirip atau sama, cuma berbeda waktu dan pelakunya. Jadikan hal tersebut semacam "up-date", sehingga lebih kontekstual dan mudah mencernanya.

11:39
Aku: Maaf. Tadi kau mengatakan kisah-kisah. Apa hubungannya dengan "cahaya"? Penggambaran yang pernah kulihat hanyalah metaphora seperti : mata, alismata, bolamata, sinarmata tanpa makna, bibir, mulut, hidung, silhuet wajah seseorang dari samping, burung berleher jenjang, angsa, kubah masjid, bangunan terbuat dari pasir berwarna putih pucat, titik-titik air, permukaan lautan, gelombang laut biru pekat, lorong hitan tetapi terang. Hanya itu, dan aku belum paham maknanya...secara segmen mau pun keseluruhan...

12:30
Kau: Baca kembali Al Qur'an dan terjemahannya. Selalu ada perumpamaan. Barangkali kisah-kisah para Rasul/Nabi...pasti ada kemiripan dengan pengalamanmu. Perdalamlah makna tentang misalnya: burung, gunung, laut dll. Juga yang dikisahkan melalui Nabi-nabi. Musa melihat cahayaNya di gunung Thursina, membelah laut...coba sambungkan, pasti ada kemiripan dengan "penglihatanmu".

12:07
Aku: Nah itulah, kemampuanku untuk menyempurnakan "mosaik penglihatan" itu masih berupa embrio...tolong bantu aku untuk menemukan hikmahnya...

12:09
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Alam nasyroh laka shadrak, wawdha'naa anka wizrak. Alladzii anqadha zhahrak. Warafa naa laka dzikrak. Fa inna ma'al usri yusraa. Fa idzaa faraghta fanshab. Wa ilaa robbika farghab.

Another Holderlin's poem

2008-09-10T09:45:00.004+07:00

....this poem profoundly related to my life

The Course of Life

You too wanted better things,
but love forces all of us down.
Sorrow bends us more forcefully,
but the arc doesn't return to its point of origin without a reason.

Upwards or downwards!
In Holy Night,
where mute Nature plans the coming days,
doesn't there reign in the most twisted Orcus
something straight and direct?

This I have learned.
Never to my knowledge did you,
all-preserving gods,
like mortal masters,
lead me providentially along a straight path.

Poems of Frierich Holderlin (1770-1843)

2008-09-10T07:22:00.004+07:00

At the Middle of Life

The earth hangs downto the lake,
full of yellow pears and wild roses.
Lovely swans,
drunk with kisses you dip your heads into the holy,
sobering waters.

But when winter comes,
where will I find the flowers,
the sunshine,
the shadows of the earth?
The walls stand speechless and cold,
the weathervanes rattle in the wind.

**translation by James Mitcell
I just impressed his poem after reading Goenawan Mohamad's book: Tuhan & Hal-Hal yang Tak Selesai or On God and Other Unfinished Things (080908)

Days of mine

2008-05-05T22:15:00.002+07:00

Sun, 040508
03.00am, Strange dream of Da Al (with me)
07.00am, Divine visualization of Syaza
09.00am, Clear weather of the city
10.00am, gathering and games time of Pusaku
02.00pm, Divide energy of me
Wonderful happening at the rest of the day
10.00pm, an Amazing Blue Silver Light!

Mon, 050508
02.45am, Marsha with a wonderful power of millions "brighten light"
01.30pm, After Shollat Dzuhur, while did dzikrullah, I saw a virtual picture of my own face in four images wearing vary jilbab color and look happy! What does it mean?
09.00pm, Ustadz Wawan said, I'll go for an "escalation" and could understand the untold meaning of something"......

Junior School Reunion

2008-05-04T06:41:00.003+07:00

"Allah SWT loves me more than I can imagine, and God wants to make my life happy, fulfilled, and wonderful in every way..."

Note of 3rd of May 2008, Sindanglaya - Samadhi Shalom,
I accepted the time to see some of my Junior School friends and teachers at "a nice garden wedding party of Ibu Christine's daughter"...amazing! they still remember me just in "a click time". Thanks God, it's a bless.

Soul

2008-05-04T06:30:00.005+07:00

"A Fine marriage is like a fine wine. It improves with age".

Thank you, for saying you love me at much...(29th April 2008), and God bless me waiting for so long...

1 Mei

2008-05-01T08:41:00.004+07:00

Teman, tantangan dalam hidup hadir dalam 3 (tiga) kategori:
1. MUDAH
Barang siap mengambil tantangan mudah, maka ia akan mendapatkan suatu kehidupan yang aman dan membosankan
2. SUKAR
Tantangan yang sukar memberikan kehidupan yang keras dan memuaskan
3. MUSTAHIL
Tantangan yang mustahil akan senantiasa dikenang

Hal yang pertama sudah banyak sekali engkau dan kita nikmati, sehingga kita bersyukur kepada Allah untuk hal itu...dan...Kelihatannya engkau telah mencoba melaksanakan yang ke 2, dan dalam perjalanan yang ke 3. Mengapa engkau pilih juga yang ke 3?

Karena engkau mengetahui "perjalanan" ini adalah: "Jika engkau tidak bisa menembus gunung, MEMUTARLAH! Jika engkau tidak bisa memutarinya, LANGKAHILAH! Jika masih juga tidak bisa, BERHENTILAH SESAAT dan TANYAKANLAH DIRI ENGKAU pentingkah untuk berada di sisi yang satunya dari gunung tersebut? Jika memang demikian, GALILAH TEROWONGAN! Sesuatu yang HEBAT tidak dapat diraih hanya dengan DUDUK-DUDUK saja...."

Seperti juga Allah bersamamu....aku ingin jadi saksi kehidupanmu.

Krisis Kepemimpinan

2008-04-27T14:23:00.009+07:00

Hanya mencatat kembali tulisan akhir Benny Susetyo
dalam Suara Pembaruan, Kamis 28 Feb 2002.

Kita saat ini mengalami krisis kepemimpinan. Selama ini manusia hanya sekedar instrumen dari kekuasaan. Ketika manusia menjadi instrumen kekuasaan, maka penguasa berusaha melestarikan sistem politik yang fasis alias otoriter, menindas kaum miskin yang lemah demi tercapainya kepentingan pribadinya. Hal itu kurang kita sadari selama ini, di alam di mana muncul ketidakjelasan arah. Salah satunya disebabkan karena gagalnya pendidikan dalam proses manusia jadi merdeka; yang dihasilkan hanya manusia setengah jadi, bukan manusia yang utuh. Mereka sekarang hanya sekadar menjadi alat kekuasaan. Mentalitas mereka hanya menjilat, tidak konsisten, lebih menyukai yang enak dan instan, serta mudah menjadi bunglon.
Akar semua problem itu adalah karena kita masih memandang rendah pendidikan yang membebaskan dan memerdekakan, meski kita beramai-ramai membangun gedung pendidikan, kurikulum dan sistem pendidikan. Kita masih terjebak untuk membangun monumen kekuasaan dan melupakan hal yang mendasar, yakni mendidik manusia untuk jadi merdeka. Mengapa semua terjadi? Jurgen Habermas mengatakan bahwa selama ini manusia modern terjebak pada pola mekanistis. Akibatnya, kita tidak sadar bahwa kita hanya menjadi instrumen belaka, baik instrumen kekuasaaan mau pun instrumen teknologi.

Padahal sebagai manusia, kita telah diberikan kehendak bebas oleh Tuhan untuk menjadi manusia merdeka. Manusia yang merdeka adalah manusia yang menjadi dirinya sendiri dan menjadi pengendali instrumen tersebut, bukan menjadi budak dan dikendalikan instrumen yang diciptakannya sendiri.

Dan saat ini, jika berbagai kerisauan di atas tidak segera disadari, maka bangsa ini akan mengalami keterasingan: situasi yang membuat moralitas di ambang kehancuran.

@Teman tersayang,
menuliskan ini hanya merefleksikan "kesadaranku"
untuk mengatakan bahwa pemikiranmu selama ini memiliki
komitmen-konsistensi-koheren dengan apa yang tertera di atas....
Sudah saatnya engkau muncul ke permukaaan......
Sudah saatnya engkau mengarahkan bangsa ini...
Sudah saatnya engkau menjadi pengendali....
Saat menjadi Guru (digugu dan ditiru) kebajikan, kebijakan dan kebijaksanaan yang kau "simpan" ...

PIKIRAN (MIND)

2008-04-22T10:19:00.014+07:00

AKU BELAJAR & MENEMPATKAN DIRIKU DI MASA DEPAN MENJADI KINI
(I learn the lessons and I place myself where the future becomes present)
SELURUH KEKUATAN TELAH SIAP BEKERJA MELENGKAPI DAN MENGGEMBIRAKANKU (All forces have been steadily employed to complete and delight me)
DAN PADA TITIK INI, AKU BERDIRI DENGAN JIWAKU YANG GAGAH
(Now on this spot, I stand with my robust soul)

WAKTU LAMPAU DAN KINI LUNGLAI
(The past and present wilt)
AKU PERNAH MENGISINYA ATAU MENGOSONGKANNYA
(I have been filled them or emptied them)
DAN, DALAM PROSES MENGISI LEMBARAN MASA DEPAN BERIKUTNYA
(And proceed to fill my next fold of the future)

HAL YANG KAU BERIKAN KUTERIMA DENGAN BAHAGIA
(What you give me I cheerfully accept)
ENGKAU ADA DI SINI - SANGAT HIDUP DAN JELAS
(That you are here -- very life exists and identity)
PERMAINAN YANG PENUH TENAGA BERLANGSUNG
(That the powerful play goes on)
DAN ENGKAU HADIAHKAN PUISI BAGI PERJALANAN HIDUPKU
(and you may contribute verse of my life journey)

LALU AKU BERPIKIR KE BELAKANG
(Than I think backward)
TENTANG KEPATUHAN, KEPERCAYAAN, KELEKATAN,
(Of obedience, faith, adhesiveness)
SAAT AKU BERDIRI DI SINI DAN MELIHAT
(As I stand here and look)
DI SANA ADA SESUATU YANG SANGAT
MEMPENGARUHI SEJUMLAH MASSA,
(there is to me something profoundly
affecting in large masses of men)
MENGIKUTI PEMIMPIN YANG TIDAK MEMPERCAYAI MANUSIA LAIN
(following the lead of those who do not believe in men)
SERIBU PRIA DAN WANITA TERBAIK HILANG
(A thousand perfect men and women will fade away)

SAAT INI ADALAH PENTING
UNTUK MENDORONG DIRI KITA MENGENALI,
(This time is important
to force ourselves for knowing)
HANYA DIRI KITA YANG MENGERTI DIRI KITA DAN BENTUKNYA
(Only ourselves understand ourselves and the like of ourselves)
SEPERTI JIWA MENGENAL JIWANYA
(As souls only understand souls)

OH, AKU PERCAYA PADA MASA DEPAN
(Oh, I trust to the future)
DIMANA AKU BUKAN HANYA AKU TETAPI KITA,
DAN KITA MENJADI KAMI
(Where I not only I but we,
and we'll change become us)
KITA SEPERTI JUGA ATMOSFIR,
(We are what the atmosphere is,)
BENING, MUDAH MENERIMA, MUDAH MEMAHAMI, TAK MUDAH DIPAHAMI (transparent, receptive, pervious, impervious)

DAN AKU JUGA MELIHAT JALAN AKAN DITERUSKAN,
(And I also see the road will be continue)
KEMUDIAN PERJALANAN AKAN DILANJUTKAN..
(than the journey ever continued..)

Note: Truly inspired by Walt Whitman (American poet, journalist, lover of freedom) 1819-1892

110408

2008-04-11T17:43:00.002+07:00

Hari ke-40 mu

Shaum,
tindakan yang paling Illahi,
karena hanya untuk Allah
engkau lakukan hal yang paling rahasia
sebuah sensasi bukan ragawi
tapi kerajaan ruh
Nabi pun mungkin tak berpuasa selama itu
berturut-turut dalam hari

engkau lalui hal yang muskil kau lakukan
bahkan ketika Ramadhan tiba
namun kau jelujuri semua ketidaksanggupan masa lalu
untuk kekinian yang bermakna kelu

40 hari shaum sunnahmu berakhir sudah
mungkin perangmu belum usai - tak akan usai
40 hari puasamu anugrah
menjadi satu perisai - satu misai
40 hari tapabratamu adalah gerai
menggelar jutaan impian di lautan rinai

Hari ini

2008-01-01T14:29:00.000+07:00

hari ini adalah kesedihan
jelasnya optimisme kesedihan
hari ini adalah jaring-jaring keinginan tersembunyi
ribuan hari-hari sebelumnya
hari ini adalah pernyataan masa depan

Today...
look alike another day in years
that has flown by
Is this the end?
or just the beginning?

selalu ada yang berakhir di awal
dan berawal di akhir
terlalu abrsurdkah untuk diperdebatkan?

hari ini mengenang
seseorang yang mengingatkanku
tentang waktu

2008 will amazed me!

2008-01-01T07:00:00.000+07:00

and George Bernard Shaw, shows me:
"The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want. And if they can't find them, make them."

Oh God bless me, to make it true!

Puisi terkirim

2007-12-29T16:46:00.000+07:00

Langkah perjalanan ini pernah terjejak di dalam benak kita. Ternyata menjadi kenyataan terpijaki bersama. Detaknya sama dengan jutaan gemuruh pacu jantung. Elahan demi elahan menjadi musik samar. Ditengarai pernah didengar di suatu masa hidup dulu. Dulu sekali...Sehingga ingatan tentang kapannya, tertelan bumi. Mosaik peristiwa merubah dirinya menjadi lempengan metal. Berwarna merah tembaga. Memantul-mantul...Menyilaukan kesadaran...sampai ke ambang. Batas nisbi. Gairah terseret arus panas meronta-pontal. Udara lindap memadat menjelajahi jiwa lalu kita menggerah. Mencari nafas sebiru samudera. Ada tanya yang tak berujung jawab. Seruntun tafsir yang tak punya makna. Sekelumit tatap menjeritkan ribuan kata. Gelembung-gelembung udara penuh fatamorgana. Meraih kenyataan kehilangan fananya. Hidup ini, penuh episode penantian. Ke penantian berikutnya...

Waiting for the coming year

2007-12-29T16:27:00.000+07:00

After years we breath away..

we, then know
life is not measured by
the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments
that take our breath away...

so, we change
do not pray for easy lives
instead, pray to be stronger

do not pray for task equal to our powers
pray for powers equal to our tasks

then,
the doing of our work shall be no miracle
but,
we - our self shall be a miracle

it needs time
longing for a shining life
because of our desperation

but a coming year
do not need a weaken mind
it needs awakening mind

God always bless all the years we have!

Marsha

2007-12-21T11:14:00.000+07:00

i love you De
more than words

I miss you De
all the time

I need you De
even in my old time

I care of you De
but you don't even know

Got scholarship

2007-12-21T11:07:00.000+07:00

Proficiat Syaza!

you have passed test on 8th Dec 2007
with satisfying score
you deserve to accept the 40% scholarship
of Kyungsung University
for 8 (eight) semesters
after you finished The Korean Language Course
and, you will have the opportunity
to get more than 40% scholarship
if you pass the second test on July 2009

I am sure that you can achieved it dear
bravo Syaza!
believe me
life is full of magic
but you have to work, work, work
smarter n smartest even more
your life future
is in your palm then

a palm of God!

Free Fiscal

2007-12-19T17:46:00.000+07:00

Facilitation
Related to
Exchange people
Exit the country

For best
Image, out of
Shameless, and a
Credibility to
All the people
Love their nation

(hehehe, pengalaman dimarahin pejabat pajak karena kirim kue lebaran haji. Buat KPK sukses ya, berhasil mengecilkan mental korupsi pegawai negeri). Bravo!

20 (twenty) Wishes

2007-12-18T18:58:00.000+07:00

Bis (1) mi (2) llah (3) hir (4) rah (5) man (6) nir (7) ra (8) him (9) mi (10)
kaf (11) ha (12) ya (13) ain (14) sad (15) ha (16) ya (17) mim (18) sin (19) qaf (20)
*(QS. Maryam/19: 1) & *(QS. As Syura/42:1,2)

Plots

2007-12-17T11:40:00.000+07:00

you should remember
that you have given me these situations
you developed me
from these situations

your imagination comes
taken to literally, to communicative
there was bitterness, hostility,
also antagonism, opposition,
unfriendliness, incompatibility,
........
anyway, you plot me in!
sshh! why do not I care of it???

you picked my consciousness away
then re-turn on you
times in years
the paradoxes of
meanings in blindness

oopss, couldn't counting on what ashamed me!

It was eleven-twelve

2007-12-17T07:36:00.000+07:00

I remember THOREAU said about:
" Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short".

..our short story indeed may not be long,
but it has taken some time for the telling...

you may have taken a close look
at what is involved in your successfully path found me,
as far as the journey is concerned by you...

you have examined
some of truth and reality of this soul
so that you can understand
how certain feeling may be applied

you would not pretend
that the story simply depends on
learning a few hopes tricks,
artistic talent, imagination,
affirmation and understanding,
your fellow heart being also play important roles...

you creating of believable character on me
who are well orchestrated in our relationship
...and the line that the story follows...

with given enough length
my characters are coloured by the set
which you will see what is going on
but rarely hears your "voice"

so, you were patient to be wait
in a very long queueing line...
watching your become turn
of your purpose
some seeming significance,
and not be something which starts no-place

you believe that
"you don't have to get it right first time"
Is it right dear???!!!

you will never ever show
your attempts at a story to anyone, either me
Now, you get it down on telling me
however it comes out of your mind, heart and soul
you have learned to perfect it

so could I to consider with these words:
"It is better to read one poem a hundred times
and keep it in your heart,
than to read a hundred poems
and remember them not at all"

thank you for reading me
thousands times...

Note: It might be 1212a you remind.

d'amour

2007-11-30T05:24:00.000+07:00

Ah, le mystère d'amour. No doubt about it - love can be mystifying. That illusive mix of chemistry and compatibility is divine, when we're lucky enough to find it.

Nur Illahi

2007-11-26T20:47:00.000+07:00

Kataku: Aku mendaur kembali pengalaman tentang cahaya Illahi. Kini bukan hanya dalam bentuk cincin lazuardi; tosca;putih; kuning; ungu; yang mengelilingi black hole. Tapi warna itu sendiri dalam kamus yang tak bernama sudah berpendar dalam bentuk tak terhitung. Permukaannya luas sekali dan sangat jernih seakan sebuah wilayah yang tiada batas. Dan seringkali muncul bentuk kubik yang variasinya luar biasa dengan cahaya sekeliling yang terang tapi tidak menyilaukan. Mirip mosaik kaca. Keindahan yang Subhanallah!

Katamu: Imanilah...Dia selalu hadir, maka berdzikirlah terus dalam suka mau pun duka. Dia kaya akan penampilan dan tidak dapat dipersamakan dengan apa pun...

When it was full moon (24th Nov)

2007-11-26T16:58:00.000+07:00

peristiwalah,
menengarai*1) langkah kecamuk kita
meningkahi udara lindap*2) bermuasal hasrat
menggerayangi angan-angan tak berperi kata
lalu jengah menjela*3) di ambang waktu tengat

sejarahlah,
saat purnama alam menjahat karena
kita lena oleh lenggak*4) menatapnya
menggelinjangi kuasa pengaruh tiada kendali
mirip parewa*5) memeras paria*6)

sekali ini,
laksana parhelion*7) renjana menerjang
kesenduan sisi perjalanan rajahku
melepas kelegaan sejarahmu
biar kusigi*8) bongkah-bongkah delik*9) ini
asal bisa jadi meteormu
letup membakar bumi
lunasi impianmu selamanya

1) menduga, mencurigai
2) mendung
3) bergantung terayun-ayun, menjuntai
4) mengangkat kepala sehingga menengadah
5) penjahat, perusuh
6) gol. masyarakat terendah yang tidak memiliki kasta (Hindu)
7) noda yang sangat cemerlang dalam jalang matahari
8) cungkil/korek lubang
9) perbuatan yang dapat dikenai hukuman krn merupakan pelanggaran thd undang-undang

Usia

2007-11-23T12:30:00.000+07:00

...untuk engkau yang mengunyah makna...

kau berikan aku kunci
membuka ruang pemahaman
kau berikan aku bangku
memanjat angan-angan
kau berikan aku cawan
mengisi tetes keharuan

di usia ini
kau adalah bongkah
artefak kuno
gurat kerat kehidupanmu

dan
aku di sini jadi saksi
sayap-sayap jibril
melintas
tanpa batas

192

2007-11-21T11:39:00.001+07:00

...Mungkin ada tempat untuk bermula...

tak pernah terpikirkan
untuk
memulainya
lagi

cukup sudah
perjalanan fatamorgana
dari mimpi ke nyata
tidak semudah kata-kata

tapi
kutemukan kau
bagai telaga
cermin memabukkan
ingin kureguk
di kedalaman
merenangimu
ke ujung muara
di tepian samudera
khayalku

namun
portal-portal besi
menyentuh kesombongan
memperluas penjagaannya
aku
takut

bila dusta
semanis madu
kupilih racun
durjanaku

kuhentakkan kesadaran
bergulir di bebatuan
cuma meyakinkan
ini realita

192
awalnya pada angka
tersiksa oleh makna
hilang dalam kata
c i n t a

Mengingat Jakarta Banjir

2007-11-21T05:42:00.000+07:00

227

Jakarta lesi pasi mayat
langit tak bersenyum
hujan mencurah bumi
seperti kerang hijau tumpah
di tepian Muara Karang

Thamrin -Sudirman mampet
cet, cet, cet,
hampir seluruh kota
padat penuh sensasi amarah
kesabaran seperti pendulum
tik-tok, tik-tok

saat air bukan dambaan
niscaya kutuk jadi mantra

saat ikhlas bukan adab
niscaya kemurkaan jadi pisau darah

di tengah fenomena alam
kedinginan menyerang siapa saja

di ranjang hangat ini
pesamuhan kita

katamu,
selalu ada sejarah
yang mencatat
peristiwa kita!

Makna "6"

2007-11-20T20:14:00.000+07:00

kau tanya tentang kode
aku jawab dengan nama
kau tanya tentang angka
aku jawab dengan makna

perang dingin kita
... sebuah twilight zone-ku...
... peradabanmu...

cuma waktu yang mengerti
mengapa aku harus berlari

ketika kembali
...ada ruang "6"

dan,
tiba-tiba
sepuluh ruang,
duabelas ruang,
puluhan ruang,
cuma kenal satu angka,
"6"

Di hari-hariku...

2007-11-20T19:31:00.000+07:00

Sayangku, perangkat cinta adalah hati...

ketika engkau ada
keakuan menyeruak
semak belukar menggila
keengganan adalah ganggang
menyebar ganas gragas
macam amuba panik

ketika engkau tak ada
dadaku menggeletar
tatapanku lindap
demam mengudakku
macam jahanam

indraku kelu
gemetar gasing
menyeringsing nyeri
bola mataku rengas
telingaku panas

bukan sekedar
sensasi tubuh lagi
aku diganjar putus asa
macam kutukan

aku berkelindan
dengan hantu emosi
hantuku
sendiri
emosimu

Just remind yourself

2007-11-20T09:26:00.000+07:00

pikirmu
masa laluku
akan jadi
masa depanmu

pikirku
sudahlah!

masa depanmu
milikmu
sendiri

aku pemilik
masa depanku
sendiri

bukan yang kugapai
lebih pada
sebuah takdir

namun
kalau masa depanmu
masa depanku juga

masa laluku
harus berakhir
sejak kemarin

syahdan
masa lalumu
milikku

Jangan menggaliku!

2007-11-20T09:11:00.000+07:00

percakapan malam-malam kita
terasa melelahkan
kini dini hari sudah
simbiosenya pada mentari
berguguran semua pernyataan
berguliran kontra makna
bergugupan lidah meracau

percakapan panjang-panjang kita
benar-benar meluluhlantakan
kini empat tahun sudah
racunnya menjelaga di bathinku
bergelinciranlah semua penolakan
bertopanganlah semua pembelaan
bertungkaianlah semua kelelahan

soda dari nurani muncrat!
dosa tersesap melalui pipet sempit
dendam buatmu, erotisme
kepuasanmu, kehancuranku

untuk apa aku di sini!

tertatih-tatih memijaki
titik-titik bincang
menggerus pengertian purbaku
mengentayang di semai-semai
mimpi derasmu

untuk apa aku di sini?

Day's 40th

2007-11-19T08:08:00.000+07:00

It's 18th of November 2007

Perjalanan dari nol ke cahaya
dari cahaya ke cahaya
tidak akan kutemukan tanpa menyisiri langkah-langkahmu
Petunjuk LangkahNya! tentu saja
Kutemukan itu bersamamu
'ntah atas dasar apa engkau pilih aku
Pergerakan cahaya yang datang menghampiri itu
Berkah! katamu
tidak setiap orang memperolehnya semudah itu
padahal kita masih lakukan kesalahan
tidak ada pembenaran untuk dosa yang jernih, kataku...
tapi,
Allah Maha Pemilih, katamu lagi,

Lalu...
Allah (Pemberi) cahaya kepada langit dan bumi. Perumpamaan cahaya Allah, adalah seperti sebuah lubang yang tak tembus, yang di dalamnya ada pelita besar....

...teringat...
Hajar Aswad di Masjidil Haram Mekkah?
ketika kutenggelamkan wajahku
kepalaku di dalam lautan kelam
kepekatannya tak memiliki kata-kata
suara keheningan paripurna

Pelita itu di dalam kaca (dan), kaca itu seakan-akan bintang (yang bercahaya) seperti mutiara, yang dinyalakan dengan minyak dari pohon yang banyak berkahnya, (yaitu) pohon zaitun yang tumbuh tidak di sebelah timur (sesuatu) dan tidak pula di sebelah barat (nya), yang minyaknya (saja) hampir-hampir menerangi, walau tidak disentuh api...

Mata kasatku luluh oleh takjub
tak terperikan bahagianya
ruhku pergi saat mati suriku
meraih cincin cahaya lazuardi berkilau
melingkari hitam terpentin tak tembus cahaya
inikah, sebuah ekstasi tak bernyawa?

Cahaya di atas cahaya (berlapis-lapis), Allah membimbing kepada cahaya-Nya siapa yang Dia kehendaki, dan Allah memperbuat perumpamaan-perumpamaan bagi manusia, dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu.

bertasbihlah jiwa-jiwa kering,
mengerang dalam dalam pengampunan tandas,
membasahi dzikir dalam lafadz, gerak...
hisab datangi kini,
mengarungi Nafs--Qalb--Aql--
milyaran bintang-bintang perak
mengenali Sirr--Ruh--Khafa'--
gradasi warna-warni tak bernama
menyusuri labirin,
menyusup ke dalam Akhfa'
lebur dalam debur gemuRuh!

Puisi Bali 11/11/07 (Sun)

2007-11-15T08:54:00.000+07:00

"Daun - Kita"

Kita adalah bentukan karbonhidrat.
karbondioksida dan air,
aku-karbon, engkau-air!
Reaksi cahaya matahari adalah enerji kita
kita serap; aku-klorofil, engkau-kloroplas!
kita, Oksigen!

Fotosistesis mengurai air rasa bathin menjadi hidrogen
yang kita lepaskan menjadi oksigen nalar
Kita ada di dalam reaksi gelap
saat reaksi cahaya bersatu
karbondioksida-ku, karbonhidrat-mu!
Pergumulan reaksi tak berkeselesaian...

Fotosintesis memfungsikan kita
membagikan pertukaran gas cinta
menjadi transpirasi cinta...!

Daun ada di kita
Kita - daun
semua daun jadi kita
Daunmu - aku, daunku - engkau!
Rimbunan daun-daun
Rimbunan fotosintesis
Mengurai fana kita!

Puisi Bali 10/11/07 (Sat)

2007-11-15T08:47:00.000+07:00

"A rather quiet month this year"...

Hari ini Saraswati
untuk Sang Hyang Aji Sarawati
saat manusia berhadap, bertapa mencari
kebijaksanaan dan kebajikan dalam hidup
pada saat yang sama,
kita berharap surga ada di sini
kesalahan jadi kebenaran
...that's if you need an excuse..

Surga ternyata ada di jantung Kuta
bergelinjang dalam aroma aneh
memahamkan rasa, menajamkan rasio
berayun di rantai keraguan yang candu
kesempatan adalah iblis berpigura cantik
kita masuki relief pencarian
satu telapak kaki kita tertinggal
pengingat untuk kembali...

Di Pecatu, tabir malam bersenggama dengan senja
segaris jingga menyadarkan kekelaman
keheningan purna sudah
merengkuh deburan gelombang ke ombak kita
mengaliri elahan nafas satu-satu di anak tangga
saat hitam jadi warna
bintang-bintang menyapa
rindu kita solituda klasik
merendam titik panas renjana
di kesejukan...

Puisi Bali 9/11/07 (Fri)

2007-11-15T08:31:00.000+07:00

"Laguna"

Pernahkah ada
tanyamu yang panjang
seperti deretan bibit pohon jatimas
membuatku gelisah?
Kujawab, Ya!
dengan gemerincing rasa sublim
menyusuri malam tanpa bintang berlangit basah
dari Kuta ke Legian aspal berbatu
berceletukan mempertaruhkan langkah bathin
mengesah - berkesal-kesal dengan cakap nalar
bertaruh - berkerisik pada perjalanan khayal
dalam harap yang terjelma nafsi-nafsi

Kuukur jarak bintang kelam di mata ketiga
Kurentang jiwa bertentang-tentangan
Kupecah ombak dari ujung Benoa ke Jimbaran
Harus kurekam jejak mana untuk masa depan
Kekiniankah atau Deja vu?

Pernah tanyamu membarakan amarah
bahwa kepalsuan dan kesetiaan adalah sisiku
Meradang oleh rasa letih
Memaksa menjalinkan karmaku - karmamu
Bertulang-tulang sembilukan asa
Berteriak mempertanyakan keadilanmu

Bersedu-sedan kubuktikan jiwaku
Namun kata-kata tak memiliki daya
Menyergapku ke gua terasing

Dengan tanyamu;
Kuhampiri rindu kesah ini...

Jenna remind me then!

2007-10-04T10:50:00.000+07:00

Dear Mariza,
I made a startling discovery.... Here is what I discovered. It is clear to me that you have been living through the same series of problems throughout all of your past lives. This is in fact damaging to you as it stops you from liberating yourself completely from a few of the problems which have been haunting you for some time. I know that you have lived through some fairly traumatic events in a number of your Past Lives and that you now have a difficulty bringing out all of your talents. These difficulties are indirectly linked to certain events in your past (events which took place hundreds of years ago) and their roots are deeply set in your unconsciousness. I have come to realize today is that it is possible to free you from these constraints and to liberate you from this past trauma and to help you lead the life you truly deserve to live. You will finally be able to be serene and in harmony with yourself. This regression will help you to avoid re-living certain of the trauma you have experienced in the past and which stem from an unresolved interior conflict which began in one of your past lives. Above all this regression will serve as an efficient tool, armed with the personal knowledge which this regression will bring you will understand yourself even better, you will find answers to all the questions you ask yourself about your personality, your relationships with other people and you will reveal hidden talents which you acquired during past lives. You will then understand your aim in life and where exactly your destiny is taking you and you will find out what your objectives and challenges should be and which lessons you should work on to satisfy the thirst of your soul. This regression is probably the most useful tool you can get hold of to discover exactly what your goals are in life and where the direction of your life is going to take you. You will be beginning a fascinating voyage in time and space and you marvel at your previous lives, how you lived these lives, where and who with. You will discover who you have been before and why you have chosen to be yourself Mariza in this lifetime when you re-entered the world on the 7 October 1963. Your friend, Jenna

a little reminder?!?

2007-09-30T06:08:00.000+07:00

To: My dear friend ):"Mau"?....
So... you're in a relationship with someone. They're smart, funny, attractive and they treat you well. Still, something feels off... you're not totally sold. However, faced with the prospect of another lonely night versus a date or lover, company wins, hands down. After all, plenty of people make relationships that aren't quite "right" work, don't they?
So what's the harm in deciding to stick with what you've got even if it's not perfect? No one's perfect, after all... and expecting perfection would be unrealistic, unfair... unreasonable even. Right? Wrong.
It may be true that none of us are perfect. But there are people who are perfect for you. And while plenty of other people may settle when it comes to love, electing to accept less than you want is never the thing to do - at least not if you want to be happy. You can fake it but you don't want to...

It's a Piece of Peace Day!

2007-09-22T06:23:00.000+07:00

Today marks the 26th Annual International Day of Peace.
Established by the General Assembly of the United Nations in 1981, it is a day of global ceasefire and non-violence, wherein all nations and people are invited to stop all hostility and violent actions in an effort to create a global movement for a culture of peace.

In 2006, more than 3500 Peace Day celebrations were held in 200 countries - including all 192 members of the UN. Why not make it personal? Consider what you can do to propagate peace - globally and in your life today.

Galau

2007-09-21T14:46:00.002+07:00

Sepi merayap seperti semut merah di ranting pohon mangga,
jangan pernah mencoba untuk menjamahnya, karena sengatannya perih
matahari senja sempat berkelebat mencoba menadah sebagian beban sepi
tapi tak sanggup, karena sinarnya menggelincir turun dipaksa dewata
di antara kegelapan petang, ia menggapai angin,
namun tak pernah benar-benar berguna mengisinya penuh,
bulan sabit kejinggaan menebar senyum arif
menggadaikan kegamangan yang tak selesai oleh waktu,
berjingkat-jingkat sungkan, akan kusimpan sepi dalam periuk tanah
mengayaunya pada saat fajar
agar bersama melompat mengejar cahaya
namun embun melenyapkannya sebelum renyai
aaaaaggggrrrrrhhhhhhh!

My name's meaning

2007-09-21T14:23:00.000+07:00

6 letters total 32, 3 vowels and 3 consonants
"Female of the Sea" (#5)
Characteristics of #5: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.
Destiny of #5: Multi talents and versatility. Likely be the master of adaptability and change. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way.
Soul Urge #11: Much of your thinking and interest relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and Utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concept, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts humanity. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.
Inner Dream #3: Your dream of artistic expression, writing, painting and music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated. (sort & compiled from : http://www.paulsadowski.com)

Think and Feel

2007-09-21T06:49:00.000+07:00

To; My dear friend ):"Priest"...
Your Head or Your Heart?
When making a decision tears you apart.
That awful war between one's head and one's heart always seems to surface when the decisions that need to be made are significantly important. Your heart says one thing, your mind contradicts and you're torn as to what to do. You're compelled to listen to your heart... but then again, you'd rather be safe than sorry and listen to your mind. What do you do?
For example when you falling in love with someone. The person that you face it is not in your criterias or all you need, and you are in a million of thinking reasons then. But your feeling is as just as there without any reasons, even doesn't know to think much..So how you can adjust the contrary of its?
What you have to do, only make the contrary simultaneously with doing think, feel...., think, feel...., think, feel..., until you come with the clue...., and usually it's the dominant one. Yessss!!!!

Overview of Overwhelm

2007-09-17T06:09:00.000+07:00

To: My dear friend ):"Priest"...
Oooops! Do you have desire to be swept away by romance, it can lead to some questionable judgment this weekend (because of Ramadhan fasting, we have to control all temptations and lust to go down...down n down!). It's natural to want to fall into the welcoming arms of someone who loves you, but there's a potential to put your trust in an individual who may not be worthy of it (Oh nope!). So, how to encounter a tendency to give up control unless you are with someone in whom you have complete confidence. (Ooopsss! Does it problem for everyone?!!! ).

On the 4Th day of Ramadhan Fasting

2007-09-16T07:34:00.000+07:00

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away...". Shaum Ramadhan will be the greatest time to thanks Allah SWT for what ever we take from Allah's Bless (Habluminallah) n what ever the chances that we can give away to people (Habluminannas). Amen.

Note of the day

2007-09-16T07:17:00.000+07:00

Libra - Saturday September 15, 2007
"Your focus should be primarily on the practical aspects of life today. It should be a good time to organize things and to try to put your daily life in good running order. You're likely to have a strong sense of duty right now. And you'll probably be able to take a good deal of satisfaction from helping other people today".
Our organization PUSAKU, has a cooperative job with Karang Taruna Pulo Gebang Permai and Teater Utan Kayu (TUK) ata jalan Utan Kayu #68H, East Jakarta.The program takes venue at 01:00-07:00PM, such as following:
01:00PM: Japanese - Indonesian games and art practice: Kendama, Ohajiki, Yukata wear, and making Indonesia handicraft.
03:30PM: Japanese _ Indonesian art show
04:30PM: Speech from Japan Foundation and Embassy
04:45PM: Present Distribution
05:00PM: Islamic Speech
06:00PM: Dinner Gathering
This event is held in Indonesian, English and Japanese. We invited also the orphanage children from Jatibening areas.
Our Objective of this event; Strenghten Indonesian culture & introduce the Japanese culture to the children and provide them knowledge and experience to share to them in the expectation of widening their view and horizon to know new things.

I am Air Element

2007-09-14T15:23:00.000+07:00

The Elements of Availability Is your Earth, Air, Fire or Water sign ready for love?
What does it mean to be emotionally available? Well, that's a long list. If you want to be really basic about it, emotional availability requires that a person be in touch with their own feelings, able to express them and willing to do so with the right person. It also means not being emotionally invested in someone else (an ex or otherwise).
So, how can you tell if a potential partner is truly ready to make the kind of commitment you want? Astrology can give us a few clues.
Air Gemini, Libra and Aquarius are the hardest signs to read when it comes to emotions. Mostly because it can seem like they don't have any - or that they're only concerned with their own! Of course, that's not true. Air signs in their best form can be extremely empathetic, which is a great sign that they're open to a real connection. Look out for talk that is all me, me, me or a lack of interest in what you have to say. On the positive side, take note of a Gemini whose actions truly match their words (they make good on promises), a Libran who will go deeper than the surface (telling you honestly how they feel even when it's not good) and Aquarians who hang around even when things aren't pleasing them (because their natural inclination is to fly away). These behaviors are good indicators that your Air sign isn't going to - poof - disappear into thin air.

When All You Need is Love

2007-09-14T15:19:00.000+07:00

We humans have a universal thirst for romantic love. Pairing up with someone is a measure of success for many and often we wait to find the right someone before we even begin to take baby steps up the ladder of life. But what happens if we are left waiting and waiting and waiting... for love, or we keep loving and losing, or that lofty perfect person just doesn't seem interested? Ohhhhh, love is in the air...so can find it for every breath...

A Bunch of Days

2007-09-14T15:16:00.000+07:00

Astrological Insights
Tupac: R.I.P.
What do you think, Mariza? Eleven years ago today, entertainer Tupac Shakur died in a Las Vegas hospital due to complications from a drive-by shooting six days earlier. A true Gemini, Shakur showed two faces to the world. One was a gifted lyricist who was both a social activist and rapper who spoke of social problems. The other was as a violent gangster whose wild, disruptive ways may have led to his premature death at the age of 25. Truly torn between these two identities, Shakur's chart was dominated by intellectual, communicative Mercury - but even that wasn't enough to combat the emotionally-fueled fire of his Aries Moon.

Related to him, so who are you Mariza?

CISV Chapter Krakatau n Bali

2007-09-13T14:43:00.000+07:00

CISV Chapter Krakatau goes to Bali 7Th-9Th Sept 2007
06.10 AM. Fly from Jakarta to Denpasar with Merpati Airlines, we are a group of twenty people. 09.10AM (Bali's time). After landed at the airport we go straight to Sinta Rama Hotel at Kuta Beach. At the hotel lobby they welcome us with a small balinese's style pond and it fills with flowers in CISV written. Ooppss, a very artistic one. Then we go directly to the meeting room. Tight schedule man!
Wazz a feeling... Feel really good! We have a Team Building Programme and leads by DDI. Mas Pri, Mba Vita and Bung Aan were good guide for all of us. A bunch of "Tornado in bag", hehehe...First, they breaking our "ice" with games, using palm, body language and words, such as tongji3x, nyemnyem etc...All of us are clumsy when it get faster and fastest...huuuhhh how a melting feel in heart! Good job, guide.
Dinner at Zanzibar...mmmuahhh nice n delicious pasta ever....romantic n cozy place to hang out, n coz all of us were hungry, really ?!
Next Morning, rafting, rafting, rafting at Ayung River Ubud...green green grass n hill, Balinese stone carving along side of the river.....green clear water, woooozzzzhhh......amazing rafting....
Treasure hunt at Ubud traditional market, flying a huge kite at Lembeng beach - Padang Galah, dinner at Jimbaran, seaside barbecue....
hangout hangout at Hu' bar.....
Exaggerated, along-along way to go, great memories to forget, warmth feeling, unity, family time...
Proficiat! Yulia, Ati, all leaders, all trainers......CISVers....How a great days....Thanx!

What a feeling!

2007-09-03T17:22:00.000+07:00

I remember that I have such a feeling of these days...

Single Number Meanings

2007-09-03T07:20:00.000+07:00

Number 1 (these born on the 1st, 10Th, 19Th, 28Th of any month)
Creative, Strong, Obstinate, Inventive, Determined, Definite in views, Ambitious, Dislike Restraint, Successful in profession, Have leadership qualities Lucky Colours : All shades of gold, yellow, and bronze
Lucky Days : Sunday and Monday
Lucky Gems : Topaz, amber, and yellow diamond

Number 2 (2Nd, 11Th, 20Th, 29Th)
Imaginative, Artistic, Romantic, Gentle and Modest, Restless and unsettled, Oversensitive, Lack self-confidence, Easily Despondent, Cooperative and friendly, Diplomatic and arbitrary, adaptable, Modest and Gracious
Lucky Colours : All shades of Green, cream White
Lucky Days : Sunday, Monday, Friday
Lucky Gems : Pearl, Moonstone, Jade

Number 3 (3rd,12Th,21Th,20Th)
Ambitious, Very independent, proud, dictatorial, Desirous of Authority, Conscientious, Cheerful & Happy, Artistic & Creative, Imaginative and Inspiring, Versatile and Brilliant, Optimistic
Lucky Colours : Mauve, Violet, Purple
Lucky Days : Thursday, Friday, Tuesday
Lucky Gem : Amethyst

Number 4 (4Th, 13Th, 22Nd, 31st)
Cautious and deliberative, Rebellious & determined, Very Positive & Practical, Sensitive, Highly strung, Given to deep despondency, Industrious and responsible, Systematic & Orderly, Steady and efficient, Faithful bent of mind, Scientific bent of mind.
Lucky Colours : Electric Blue and Greys
Lucky Days : Saturday, Sunday, Monday
Lucky Gem : Sapphire

Number 5 (5Th, 14Th, 23rd)
Friendly, impulsive, energetic, clever, action-oriented, irritable and quick tempered, Love Gambling and Speculation, Quick in thought and decision, Versatile and resourceful, Love Freedom and amusement
Lucky Colours : Grey, White, or light shades
Lucky Days : Wednesday & Friday
Lucky Gems : Diamonds , platinum, Silver

Number 6 (6Th, 15Th, 24Th)
Friendly & Generous, Artistic & Musical, Attractive, Lovable & Adorable, Determined, Responsible & Righteous, Obstinate, Humane and just, Loyal & Dependable, Have fixed Views, Balanced and Harmonious.
Lucky Colours : All shades of Blue and Pink
Lucky Days : Tuesday, Thursday, Friday
Lucky Gems : Turquoise and emerald

Number 7 (7Th, 16Th, 25Th)
Very Independent, Original & Analytical, Love change & Travel, Restless, A dreamer and Mystic, Dignified & understanding, Investigative and Observant, Knowledgeable and intellectual, Philosophical and Clairvoyant, Magnetic and Charming, Versatile , artistic, poetic.
Lucky Colours : Green, White, Yellow
Lucky Days : Sunday & Monday
Lucky Gems : Cat's Eye and Pearls

Number 8 (8Th, 17Th, 26Th)
Philosophical, Religious, Wayward, Sacrificing, Deep & Intense, Kind and dependable, Zealous and Ambitious, Fatalistic and Fanatical, Tough & tenacious, Authoritative and efficient
Lucky Colours : Grey, Black, Dark Blue, Purple
Lucky Days : Tuesday, Thursday and Friday
Lucky Gems : Amethyst, dark sapphire and black pearl

Number 9 (9Th, 18Th, 27Th)
Impulsive, Courageous, Broad-minded, Short-Tempered, Independent and selfless, Affectionate, Sympathetic, Forgiving, Gritty, Strong willed, and determined, Humane and compassionate, Generous, Charitable, Philanthropic and spiritual, Artistic and aesthetic
Lucky Colours : All shades of Crimson or red and pink
Lucky Days : Tuesday, Thursday, Friday
Lucky Gems : Ruby , Garnet, Bloodstone

Note of the day

2007-08-30T16:11:00.000+07:00

"Have you ever wondered who you might have been in a past life? Were you living an exciting, adventurous existence? Were you close to the same people you love now or were you enemies? Maybe your mother was your brother or your lover was your soulmate in another era, another body or another country.
Yes, it would be fun to have a sense for where our soul has traveled before our current journey..."

INFJ again

2007-08-30T15:19:00.000+07:00

"INFJs often have, without formal training, skills in group dynamics. Almost psychically, they are aware of various level of interaction between and among people. However, such awareness remains largely their own, and efforts to make the observations known to others can be frustrating to INFJs".

"INFJs' longing for harmony is such a driving force that they sometimes create tension in their relationships by working so determinedly to eliminate it. they would do better to work out tensions within themselves than to focus on external conflicts, because they often carry very heavy burdens. In some ways, this fosters a sense of martyrdom typically of Feelers generally. The INFJ goal of harmony is particularly difficult to achieve because the model for it is rarely articulated, though the drive toward it is nonetheless unrelenting".

***Guess "It" has INFJ personality.

My four Preferences

2007-08-30T14:53:00.001+07:00

Do you know that I am INFJ?

I (Introvert): I prefer to focus on the inner world of concepts and ideas.
N (iNtuitive): I tend to focus on the future, with a view toward patterns and possibilities.
F (Feeler): I tend to base my decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns.
J (Judger): I like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things settled.
So, as an INFJ, I am gentle, compassionate, and accepting, yet given to streaks of extreme stubbornness. Some says: "When INFJs are committed to an ideal or cause, the stubbornness surfaces. These otherwise compliant, reserved individuals become extremely rigid and demanding of themselves an others, when pursuing a goal in the external world...INFJs are dreamers whose genius, caring, and concern can be an inspiration to many other people. In almost any interpersonal activity, from a board meeting to an intimate family gathering, the INFJ's quite strength is felt by others".

Poem that remind

2007-08-30T09:31:00.000+07:00

To A STRANGER
by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

PASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Note of the day

2007-08-29T19:07:00.000+07:00

Libra Reading

Saturn Transits Virgo (By Sign). Expect a major shift in love and career.
The planet most responsible for our biggest challenges and greatest accomplishments in work and love is creating a major shift this week - for everyone. Saturn, associated with commitment, limitation and worldly power, transits into Virgo on September 2 and stays there through July 2010 (except for a foray into Libra from October 30, 2009 to April 8, 2010). What will this mean for you?

Story: "It" felt the Protagoras on itself

2007-08-29T06:55:00.000+07:00

A metamorphose of "It" and describing itself to be "himself":
While myself as a Protagoras (in Greek: Πρωταγόρας) (ca. 490– 420 BC), I was a pre-Socratic Greek philosopher and is numbered as one of the sophist by Plato. In his dialogue "Protagoras", Plato credits me with having invented the role of the professional sophist or teacher of virtue.
I was born in Abdera, Thrace, in Ancient Greece. "In Plato's Protagoras, before the company of Socrates, Prodicus, and Hippias, he states that I am old enough to be the father of any of them. This suggests a date of not later than 490 B.C."
I died at about the age of seventy after forty years as a practicing Sophist. My death, then, may be assumed to have occurred circa 420.
"I was well-known in Athens and became a friend of Pericles. Plutarch relates a story in which the two spend a whole day discussing an interesting point of legal responsibility, that probably involved a more philosophical question of causation".
"In an athletic contest a man had been accidentally hit and killed with a javelin. Was my death to be attributed to the javelin itself, to the man who threw it, or to the authorities responsible for the conduct of the games?" I was not sure.
I, Protagoras was also renowned as a teacher who addressed subjects connected to virtue and political life. I was especially involved in the question of whether virtue could be taught, a commonplace issue of 5th Century B.C. Greece (and related to modern readers through Plato's dialogue). Rather than educators who offered specific, practical training in rhetoric and public speaking, I also attempted to formulate a reasoned understanding, on a very general level, of a wide range of human phenomena (for example, language and education). I then, seems to have had an interest in orthoepeia, or the correct use of words (a topic more strongly associated with his fellow-sophist Prodicus).My most famous saying is: "Man is the measure of all things: of things which are, that they are, and of things which are not, that they are not". (Like many fragments of the Presocratics, this phrase has been passed down to us without any context, and its meaning is open to interpretation).
I was also a famous proponent of agnosticism. In my lost work, On the Gods, I wrote: "Concerning the Gods, I have no means of knowing whether they exist or not or of what sort they may be, because of the obscurity of the subject, and the brevity of human life" (80 before DK).
Very few fragments from me have survived, though I was known to have written several different works: Antilogiae and Truth. The latter is cited by Plato, and was known alternatively as 'The Throws' (a wrestling term referring to the attempt to floor an opponent). It began with the "man the measure" pronouncement. They gave my name for their honour "The Protagoras crater on the Moon".
Even though I was a contemporary of Socrates, the philosopher of Abdera is considered a presocratic thinker. I followed the Ionian tradition that distinguishes the School of Abdera. The distinctive note of this tradition is criticism, a systematic discussion that can be identified as "presocratic dialectic", an alternative to the Aristotelian demonstrative method which has the fault of being dogmatic. The main contribution of me was perhaps my method of finding a better argument by discarding the less viable one. This is known as "Antilogies", and consists of two premises; the first is "Before any uncertainty two opposite theses can validly be confronted", the second is its complement: the need to "strengthen the weaker argument".
I knew that the less appealing argument could hide the best answer, which is why I stated that it was constantly necessary to strengthen the weakest argument. Having been born before Socrates himself, this progressive viewpoint in the development of consensual truth could conceivably have contributed to the progressive styles of many of the other great minds which followed me.
*Why I have to be or not to be a Protagoras? Do I love him to much so I become him then? The incarnation, what is the meaning of these....
I must digging the whole...

Note of the day

2007-08-29T04:43:00.001+07:00

LUNAR ECLIPSE of 28th Aug 2007

Ooops, what a wonderful day!
What a wonderful earth and sky!
To Thou I thank you...
I am here speechless,
is that a very human thing, isn't it?
Moon enter to the earth's Penumbra
and exit then...
God! it takes 1,400,000km length from earth's Umbra...
while the lunar comes into the perfect Umbra
in a second,
my heart has beaten for thousands of time
overwhelmed, exaggerated, get stoned..
and when the orange circle change to the light one
I become surrender to my mother's Nature
It has to be unspoken!
yes, it has!
while seeing the red blood color to
the glittering chocolate
and the blue line goes sparkling to
the amazing silver
ooh, how a tremendous creative painting
To the greatest Creator I served!
Subhanallah, Subhanallah, Subhanallah

Story: "It" was me

2007-08-28T07:57:00.000+07:00

My life, it is not to diffuse me that I born of my parents, it is to identify me. It is not that I should be undecided, but that I should be decided. Something long preparing and formless is arrived than formed me. I henceforth secure, whatever comes and goes...
The preparation of me something that have been justified for very long time and such as an orchestra which have been sufficiently tuned their instruments, than the baton has given the signal...
Wonder that I was looking a long while for these "Intentions". I jumped the history of the past for myself, and for these chants -- over re-cited, I found it again and again. Me, it is not on the pages of fables or more on legends. Me, over than in any else. It is not in the present - It is earth today. Do you think I am the one of the miracle? No, none at all! (But for me only; I believe, I know of nothing else but miracles).
Some people are believe that each one of us is a soul in the infinite Cosmos/Cosmic and we come to earth in various incarnation to learn various lessons. When all the lessons are learnt and perfection is achieved than we become inhabitants of some higher plane living, a higher form of life. The soul carries with it a shell of memories and expectations and at the proper time the seed of it soul germinates in physical form in the womb of its mother...
*The Cosmos notes that each new birth has its inner desires and has corresponding with its destiny related to determines its time of its born.
May I describe myself as a Protagoras or anyone then...?

Note of the day

2007-08-28T07:40:00.000+07:00

To think of time will be a re-instrospection. To think of today will be a spirit to continue the forward path. Do you think your life would not to be continue? Do you guess you will dread the earth so only? Do you fear the future would be nothing to you? Is today nothing? Is the beginning-less past nothing? If you think the future is nothing they are just as surely nothing! The time is in your thinking. You are constructived by time or time is constructived by you. It is your choices. Not your chances. So then, determine your destiny!

Story: "It" speaks to itself

2007-08-27T08:08:00.000+07:00

"be aware that your charm and charisma could really be on the rise right now, and your creative energies might be peaking too..., so you really ought to try to make the most of this". "If you're just willing to make an effort, you might be able to take some important steps that could serve to alter your life in significant way right now!". Oops! "I realize love is the one of the most powerful energies of the universe, can I with this...?"

Note of the day

2007-08-27T07:58:00.000+07:00

Still, we fear losing our unique perspective and can struggle to maintain our self-identity. In fact, our need for autonomy can be so strong that we exhibit unusual behavior in order to show how we are different from those around us...

Story: The Pine tree

2007-08-26T07:46:00.000+07:00

Describe "it" as one which full of life and energy, and "it" guided more by ideals than by practical consideration, "it" lost in wild imaginations but still has of some anticipated good."It" is here with us together and growing up for every second of it breath-away. "It" has it own constellation of a galaxy and has the rounded life ever. "It" is a phenomenon of an amazing grace. "It" happened in our 10 years period, and in every period "it" is still alive. "It" has many of new births...Maybe as a something that baffles understanding and can not be explained or by "how it get out is a mystery", then now it remains one of nature's secrets...!
Then we are in a journey to an interesting excavation going on near "It". To hollow it out probably as a well, or then to form as a ditch. We don't know yet. Sometimes while we are digging "it", it could stop moving and even immobilized. Suddenly behave coldly. But really that's way of it's mystery. Do we ready to receive a completely or exceptional thing? Actually, "it" is not fully developed or mature enough but with many Quotient it will become a spiritual guide of world and than processed the shedding tears of pain to happiness. And help change the sadness song lyrics...to be the happiest one.

Note of the day

2007-08-26T06:43:00.000+07:00

How a dreamy day...., yet it's hard to block out the anxious thought from the overactive Mercury-Mars Square. Nevertheless, beautiful Venus oppose imaginative Neptune, so reality is colored by my fantasies.....

Story: Storey's Story

2007-08-24T19:57:00.000+07:00

I have found "it" after years. Just like meet a new paradigm in this flat-off life (such a feeling of ruin thing). I am not in hurry to give "it" a label or color or any stigma...Maybe "it" is an enigma! From light to dark, vice-verse. From white to black. Sometimes go grey. Oh, an hypocrite one! Stand by and beside "it" seems like we are in a funeral at cemetery with analogical words such as 'digging', 'freeze', 'mystery', 'quite', 'green', 'goldsand', 'priest', 'tears', ' sad songs', etc.

Wishes: Lesson of the day

2007-08-24T08:53:00.000+07:00

I learn the lessons and I place myself where the future becomes present
All forces have been steadily employed to complete and delight me
Now on this spot, I stand with my robust soul

The past and present wilt
I have been filled them or emptied them
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future

What you give me I cheerfully accept,
That you are here -- very life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on,
and you may contribute verse of my life journey

Than I think backward
of obedience, faith, adhesiveness,
as I stand here and look
there is to me something profoundly affecting in large masses of men,
following the lead of those who do not believe in men
A thousand perfect men and women will fade away

This time is important to forces ourselves for knowing,
Only ourselves understand ourselves and the like of ourselves,
As souls only understand souls

Oh, I trust to the future
Where I not only I but we, and we'll change become us
We are the atmosphere is,
transparent, receptive, pervious, impervious

and I also see the road will be continue,
than the journey ever continued

(by Walt Whitman in many parts...)

Note: For "Pine" which suffered in many pains...

Story: The Beginnings

2007-08-24T06:33:00.001+07:00

"Where shall I begin my story?" That is the question of everybody to "write" their life or the fiction. Might I start with a 'day that is different', or a 'moment of change' or anything that stay deep in my mind? But 'a decision must be made'. I think the better kind of beginning is the one which seems to be the most reasonable one of that story then. So, it will oversimplifying to the answer of the question of "where shall I begin my story?". More often than not, sometimes we do not truly know our story to its fullest degree until we have written it, don't we? Than now, how we can write a beginning that is best suited to it until we know what the story is? The answer is really quite simple, we don't write the beginning until we have written the story in full. Oops, is that kind of theory....?Actually what I want to do is to write any kind of a beginning which will get me off to a start. Seems it doesn't even have to be good beginning, because I will eventually come back to it and either scrap or rewrite it. It is as simple as that!
Then I will start with...:
The "Pine tree" (we call "it"), lively one, best dreamer ever, native of World, a resident of God's land, describe it charts life from the past to the future in the 'reality show of its life', amazing!, during the last decade.

A Reminder

2007-08-24T06:33:00.000+07:00

YANG FANA ADALAH WAKTU (SAPARDI DJOKO DAMONO, 1978)

Yang fana adalah waktu. Kita abadi:
memungut detik demi detik, merangkainya seperti bunga
sampai pada suatu hari
kita lupa untuk apa.
"Tapi,
yang fana adalah waktu, bukan?"
tanyamu. Kita abadi.

(Note: This poem remind me to start "my beginning story", can I finish than?)

Number

2007-08-15T11:54:00.000+07:00

I don't know since when I have a special attention on Number, which sometimes described precisely what is happening to me at present.I had a little absorbing of my life with this direction. I dont't have any capability in number especially in math. This kind of area of science is horrable for me.But, anyway number still catch my attention what ever it is. I have been experienced with someone that I have attracted using the sms communication with number...and somehow; it worked very much! He understood, either I. So, I think related to my story, number can help us to communicate something, such feeling or thinking...I learnt too much using this kind of mechanism to do something that anybody couldn't understand what we're talking about especially both of us. So, number can substitute the alphabet in personal language. I think so.

Get Bored with my lovely Syaza

2007-08-14T16:35:00.000+07:00

She can make me insane with her crazy inquiries....Too much! I don't understand why my emotion could be escalated to the higher level if face her or her "attitude"...God! please help me to know myself better. Why do I have a burn temper like this. It took yearsssssssss......